Comparing yourself with others

Speaker 0 00:00:00 Welcome to design in confidence. <inaudible> I'm a creative good speaker and facilitator. In this episode, I will share with you whether we should eat early Maccabiah on how mindfulness and design can build confidence and manage mental health. By understanding how to compare yourself with others. Speaker 0 00:00:23 This episode is not about how to stop comparing yourself with others. I tried and I didn't managed to do it, but I've learned to accept that we always do it and learn how to control. It has helped me not only to avoid anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem also to mindfully use comparison when needed to my advantage. So if you want to stop comparing yourself with others, keep Googling something else, or check the links in the show notes. Why do you feel one to do it better? Keep listening. I could approach this from many aspects of like regret perfectionism competition, envy, but I'm going to focus on the design process of doing that because everybody does it. And the problem is when we do it on other autopilot, not mindfully, I don't know if you've seen a Medicam cycle, but in my head sometime he's like Patrick betterment, without the killing. Speaker 0 00:01:21 When in this scene of the business card, I look up people's profiles and I say, oh, look at that. They've worked there. They have done these up here. Oh my God. They even have trademark. Well, of course I always saturate. They want to do voices. I, and I don't kill people. And if you should take something from this podcast, you should not kill people either. If you ever feel difficult somewhat after listening to my podcasts, police talk to someone, you remember them, just a design and not a psychologist. So that's an example, half the comparison. Just remember that I'm just a designer. And as a designer, I'm here to suggest y'all to design how to compare both as a designer. I know how the sign in my thing. So I know that everybody compares themselves to others. But as a designer, I know that even more than others are going to find problems in myself and find these British and in others. So if you are like me, you might find a problem in yourselves asking yourself, how might I be better? And then finally spiritual in others who looks better. So in terms of design process, that's kind of, okay, but first they look better. You don't see everything about them, just be realistic about it so they can be mindful about it. But most of all, what's missing here in your design comparison process, a four big questions that I'm going to explain in this episode, Speaker 0 00:02:59 What does better means to you? Without that question, you will become better in ways you don't want to become in confidence center. That I struggled a lot in my life because there are many designers are winning awards, or I had friends working for Google or Microsoft, or there are always case studies of designers working on the latest tech, early adopters, like blockchain, VR, or artificial intelligence and a goodness stack. When I realized that I don't really care, don't get me wrong. I do recognize these are strengths and accomplishments, but I try to limit this way of thinking about them as admiration and not comparison because they are good at what they are doing and being aware of what better means to me helps me also focus and think that they are good at what I don't want to do and become what helps Speaker 2 00:04:00 Me understand what better means to me is the second question. What is the best version of yourself? So instead of looking at the appearance of others, look within you. That's the only place where you have a full picture of your strengths and your blockers, and that because the strengths are the solutions within you, where the blockers is one make that potential misused or untapped. So for example, it took me a while in my life to really understand that I was good at drawing. And then there will be good for me to Excel in it. But I was misusing that by making things look freaky, which is something I don't care about because I was hoping for something more functional and inspiring and also was untapped because I was worrying too much about making mistakes and will help me make the best of my strengths and resolve these blockers is the third question. Speaker 0 00:05:02 What can you learn with a list of one of these specific things from, and this becomes the really powerful question because he makes you reframe comparison with three main benefits. First, you start comparing yourself only to those you want to learn from not all the others. So for example, if you want to design apps instead of commercial, and under-sizing, you start comparing yourself with people that we know words in advertising, the second benefit is that you stop seeing people as better than you as a whole, but just being better than you are. That specific thing that you want to learn from at this, for example means that if someone is better than new designer, now that doesn't mean that Bettina in teamwork or research, or just you as a whole, as a person, don't feel like a loser. Just someone is better than you at this scenario now. Speaker 0 00:06:01 But the third benefit is what I like the most. Because asking yourself, who can you learn from at least one of these specific things, it makes you focus on the things, not on the type of person. This means that you stop looking for despairing designers that are better than you. And you start to look for inspiring people that are great at something. There might be empathy, asking questions, organize information, thinking outside the box or whatever. And once you think about these as a single aspect, you might find inspiration from a doctor, a friend, or a family member, the barista in your neighborhood, or a fictional character. So in my cave are clowns, improvisers, children, and memes that improve my ability of drawing in the way I wanted to. And I have many other sources of inspiration. Like my family, my partner, Chris Hatfields, who's an astronaut politician that I don't share the values of the bakers in my neighborhood or doctor who Amania the fictional characters about each of them. Speaker 0 00:07:19 I get inspired by something they are great at. And I would like to be better at, and I don't exclude of course designers like France colleagues and famous designers, but I try to focus on this specific thing. I want to learn from them because they're great at it. And this is great because helps me open up to collaboration because I know why I should ask for help from them, but also makes me aware might not be great at a specific thing because I admire them without putting them on a style. And that makes me able to help them knowing that they might need help with something I am good at. And I can do this. Thanks to the first question. Speaker 0 00:08:08 How are you better than before, before comparing yourself with others, compare yourself with the previous selves and these also going to have three benefits. The first is there you get a sense, a real sense of accomplishment because you're going to check your progress, not others. The second benefit is that you're going to be aware of what helped you learn and grow, achieve those accomplishments and progress. And then there is the third benefit. Is there remembering how you used to struggle, makes you recognize how others are struggling and if you'd joined the second or third benefit, then you know, what might help them because it helps you well, maybe going to see are the strugglings in ways that you didn't have to in the past in decades, take a moment and a knowledge. This be grateful because probably you have a privilege that you weren't aware of in the past. Speaker 0 00:09:08 And then the other thing they can do is help them think like a designer and not like Patrick Bateman from American psycho. Understand when you admire someone, understand the, where they used to make a comparison with them and why, but most of all use comparison, not to judge yourself and get frustrated, but to identify or put in is to learn from others, give others and collaborate with them instead of being in competition with them. But most of all, not get to kill them, which is remind you that the main takeaway from this podcast, I'm not suggesting you to do that at all. So compare yourself with others, understand how to be better at something and design a way to solve other struggles. Because once you focus on your strength and potential, you will see how much you can already give. No matter how much others are better than you in confidence, I'm making this podcast stinky, then many will be better than me at it. Speaker 0 00:10:13 I look up to them learn, but in the meantime I share what I really have hoping they will be useful to some. And let me know if he does leave a review and share this podcast, let me know how this helps you build your confidence. Bolt's invited to share how you got better in time and why, so that you can become a safe space to talk about these topics and to find support in building others, creative confidence. Because if you got this far, I'm sure you're a good listener. And now he's done for me to shut up so that you can listen to your own thoughts after this happened. I remember to thank yourself for the time you spent to learn and grow.